Focus is what keeps us moving forward - though of course the speed at which we move is individual and that is what makes life interesting. We all have different paths to take and the difference in speed at which we move often is the cause of conflict which isn't necessarily negative.
Much of our behaviour is learned from our parents at least it was in my case. Good people who have always respected others.
The most simple truth in life I've learned - repeatedly from my Mom and Dad in both words and actions - is to treat others as I want to be treated. Don't take advantage of anyone else. Don't transfer what's my responsibility to someone else.
At times others will take advantage of me, have and will do or try to do so in the future. That's OK in the sense that I can't control how others choose to live. But I don't need to be defined by what defines them. That doesn't make me happy but it provides me with the justification to distance myself from people who don't embrace me as an equal however difficult that is.
It's not complicated. I want people in my life who add value to my life, who enrich my life, who push or challenge me to think differently, people who open my mind, who respect me for who I am and who are interested in what I do, what I think and the potential that I've yet to achieve. I choose to hold closest to me people who share that approach to life.
Of course there are times when I have been tested, by both family and friends. There are times when I've been angered by the words and actions, or non actions, of the people closest to me. I accept that as part of life. And at times I've needed to rethink, reassess, take a step back and look in the mirror. And to take time to do so. Is it me or is it them? If I'm honest, it sometimes is me.
As we've all read at one point: we are defined not by what knocks us down, we are defined by how we respond, by how we pick ourselves up.
Guilt and forgiveness also play two huge roles in my life. I can choose to look at the concept of guilt positively or negatively - it's easy to do both. I grew up a Catholic in a loving family. We had everything that we needed and then some. We never wanted for anything. Yet my parents also taught us about perspective - a theme that I've blogged about a lot over the years.
Perspective is about balance.
Guilt in and of itself is powerful. It's a double-edged sword. It acts as a limiter, an imaginary line between what's acceptable and what isn't. It does I think help keep me on the straight and narrow. It helps define what's right and what's wrong.
Forgiveness is equally powerful. Forgiveness to me is about letting go, it's about moving forward and it's about looking forward. Learning to forgive isn't easy but I believe it's a key to living a healthy and positive life.
Forgiveness is NOT about who's right or who's wrong. It's far more about acceptance. It's about deciding what's most important. Did I err in rushing to judgement? Can I forgive myself for doing so? Can I find a way forward? Or do I need to let go?
In the standard sense, one forgives someone else for something that they've done or said. There's an element of that in my understanding of forgiveness.
But forgiveness doesn't mean accepting the status quo: I forgive you, hit me again.
In an ideal world, forgiveness helps both you and the person you are forgiving. But in reality, it's far more about forgiving yourself. It is for me - as I said earlier - about letting go.
And yet it doesn't have to be about letting go forever. It's about letting go for now. Sometimes what we need most is distance, a chance to get on with life however mundane though hopefully about focusing on one's potential. Life is short - we hear that phrase all the time and we are reminded of it especially at times of crisis when someone dies suddenly, unexpectedly.
We often are challenged by people who are unhappy at their core. They've made the decision at some point - unconsciously as well as consciously - as children or as adults that they are victims. Nothing makes them happy and they seek to live that way. It's powerful. It's very hard to change. They grant themselves immunity for all that they do, if you don't agree with them that's your problem. They use people.
Their 'half glass empty' approach to life often has been reinforced by friends and family - unconsciously and consciously too. In many ways they are trapped but can't see it, nor do they want to see it and they especially don't appreciate being confronted with it either. It's become who they are and everything in their life reinforces that approach.
The tough part is what to do about it. How to interact with them on any level? How to avoid being caught in their trap?
Do you try to engage them? Do you embrace them? Or do you push them away?
It can be particularly hard to have a rapport with them because if you aren't careful you will be pulled down by them, you will lose your focus and you will wake one morning lost.
I don't have any answers. But what I do know is that for me it's important that I look forward, that I maintain my focus. I need to compartmentalize and put aside the distraction otherwise it will drag me down too.
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